The Interview

My cousin just married the man of her dreams!  I decided to post the poem that was written for the happy couple. Thet met on a popular dating website.  They both often refer to their first date as an “interview. ” What a blessing it is to know what you want in a partner and to find someone who fits the bill. 

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The Interview

Changed my outfit a couple of times
Not too loose
Not too tight
Got my hair just right
A little lip gloss
Practiced my smile for awhile
Arrived on time
Smelled sublime
With a confident demeanor that elevated me to a state of expectancy.

I could have never prepared for someone so rare
I could have never imagined that this would happen.

You opened doors
Pulled out chairs
Stimulating conversational construct

“Where did you go to high school?”
“What kind of work do you do?”

I thought it would be like an interview

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But you laid off my doubt
You retired my worry
You employed and enhanced my interest and devotion

See, I was prepared for a compatibility quiz
But not a lifetime of intellectual intimacy

Allegedly,  there are plenty of fish in the sea
But im not gathering,  spearing, netting,  angling or trapping
Im not interested in any more worms, painful hooks, rocky boats, scaling, cleaning or seasoning
This Pisces is at peace with the other piece of her harmony

You

And I dont know how you prepared for our interview
But I’m glad you did
Because you fit just right
And you arrived in my life…right on time.

~By Shaun Melissa Nickens

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Etymology of Man

When my significant other and I argue, one of the phrases we use the most is, “Respect my growth!” We say that because we want recognition for the improvements that have been made over the course of the relationship. There are things he’s done in order to be better for me and there are things I have done in order to be better for him. Growth is a funny kind of thing. The big problem with growth is it is relative to the person who is actively growing in thought or maybe just in psyche. When I am long gone and the etymology of me is studied…(my history, my origin, how I was formed, and how I changed over time)…who knows what the end synopsis will be?
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I took a technology course for Summer Session 1 at Stony Brook University and one of the things that resonated with me was: “Information is data presented in a meaningful context. Frequency and severity have a lot to do with the way information is processed. Things have to be done systematically so that everyone can benefit.” THINGS HAVE TO BE DONE SYSTEMATICALLY SO THAT EVERYONE CAN BENEFIT. The course was about technology in the workplace but the things I learned are relevant to everyday life. If I was just disciplined enough to channel skills in the right direction, then I would be more productive and more successful in terms of communication.

Arguments, fights, disagreements, absence, and challenges all contribute to growth. Though they may be painful or uncomfortable at the time, they are necessary in “forming” you and/or your relationships with others. When you’re sick, you appreciate the person who says, “When I was sick, ______ helped.” You appreciate it even more if that person hands you a bottle of what their remedy was or sends you a link to a useful web site. Sympathy and empathy build relationships and contribute to the “formation” of that mutualism. There are organisms in marine biology that survive on mutualism. They need another organisms production or even waste in order to fuel their own life source. As humans, we are cocky. How many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t need anyone… I am self-made” or some variation of that? Yet, if we were a fly on the wall throughout their development I’m sure we would see how untrue that is. We would see the friend or family member that passed away or deserted them and the thick wall that they put up after that occurrence. We would see the people whose efforts are the foundation of their self-proclaimed “self-made” empire.
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I started a gratitude journal today. I can see you shaking your head and rolling your eyes. I am in no way promulgating self-help techniques. For those who know me, I’m not exactly the poster child for ALWAYS being calm, relaxed or even disciplined. I had to find something that I could implement in my daily life to force me to revisit positivity. See, I begin my day with prayer and affirmations. By the time 5-6pm comes around…I’m miserable. Work, traffic, bill collectors, etc have already put a damper on my mood. It’s important to stay in the right head space. When I was young and in martial arts training, my uncle would say, “Attitude determines approach and approach determines whether you pass or fail.” Somewhere over the years, I abandoned that way of thinking and I suffered for it. Consequently, my loved ones have suffered for it too.

I invite you to comment (I approve all comments before they are posted to the site so you may not see it right away.) I invite you to take this gratitude journey with me. I will be posting the things I am grateful for every couple of days. Most importantly I invite you to critically think about things you have said that may have been hurtful. Think about things you may have done. Do not beat upon your spirit for those actions. Just remember that you still have a chance to rectify and edit who you are and your behaviors. You can’t always backspace or delete but you can modify! Send a thank you note today or just call someone you haven’t spoken to in awhile. Better yet, give yourself some appreciation today!! I’m looking forward to seeing how you systematically structure your emotional information system.

By:SMN

Pennies 10/21/2002 Digging in the Crates

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Economic warfare within thine own self
Leading to self destruction
Wants, needs and luxuries
The rhythm I walk with
Flows with such confidence
Even if it need not be
The block is void of light
Pockets are weightless
Just aint right
Close your eyes to avoid frustration
You’re surrounded
I’m surrounded in the brightness
Of copper colored pennies
To have but never want, pennies
Got all the dollars but never had the sense to know what to do with them
Never reminded of how spoiled I was
Now I’m surrounded in cents, pennies
Three jobs and three dollars
Work sleep work sleep eat bathe work sleep
Faint with insomnia
Weak with stubbornness
Bored with “insufficient funds”
Friday, Payday
Saturday broke again
31st Payday
Payment due on the first of next month
2nd of next month, broke again
So what do we need? Realism
What’s more real than copper colored useless pennies?

-SN

How Do I Begin? 12.10.07

How do I begin?
What do I say?
If I was an artist, what would my background be?
How about a landscape with trees and peppermint clouds that you can taste before you see?
If I were a true musician, what would I play?
I’d glue my fingers to the keys and make the audience sit and watch me stationary on a rotating stage.
If I was a murderer, I’d perform a double homicide on Ms.Phony and Hypocrisy.
If I was a mother, I’d birth individuality.
I’d breastfeed it attitude and responsibility, from each titty.

How do I begin?
Do I talk about the kin that built me up or screwed me up?
How do you love a lyricist whose greatest worth is her words?
How do I begin to give oxygen to a sheet of paper?
How can a woman neutralize the judgement of man before she allows it to shape her?
How do I begin to describe the warfare within a wordsmith?

By: Shaun “ControversE” Nickens
2007

Double Negative

Not never will I forget what it feels like to be alone
To be forgotten
To feel small
To be an option

Not never will I forget when I had nothing
Not a dollar
Not an eighth of gasoline
Not a bite to eat

Not never will I forget feeling unloved and unnatural
Feeling afraid
Seeing a 20 year marriage fail
And seeing what it does to the human heart

Not never will I forget the sound of death
And the whisper of promise of a new life
And the lesson of Gods plan and His “mysterious ways.”

Not never will I ever compare myself again
Because I know my resilience is unmatched
I know my strength is unparalleled

I am a wishing well of hope and I am open to pennies of prayers being planted in my optimism.

Never will I ever give up
Or sit down
Or back away
Deterrents are my comic relief

Not never will I forget I am a fighter
My flaws are grotesquely beautiful

My courage is my camouflage

Can I fail?
Yes
And I don’t care.
And I don’t care if you laugh
Or if you say you told me so
Or if you call me naive

Not never will I have not one regret. 

I am here
And with every intentional breath
My purpose grows

And you better never forget that.

By:Shaun Nickens

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